Fuck It…I’ll Say It

I am trying so hard to not say I told you so 

But it’s hard when it has been years of me drowning in my own tears 

And my mouth was stitched right up by the cowards, the ignorant, and my own fears  

I lived my life in my head and my thoughts became toxic best friends 

I did not know that I could control 

This life I really thought I was an unfortunate soul 

My heart was tainted 

And my empathy gone 

My love rested in peace 

And I lost all of my love 

Years later and I am still picking up the pieces 

I am to the point where I have built myself up and healed many of my stitches 

And I am nowhere near done 

My lips are trying so hard not to say I told you so 

But it’s hard not say it when my truth was ignored all of those years ago and now an entire community is devastated and waiting for more

I was right all along 

I was right all along 

This time I don’t need anyone else to tell me 

I believe myself and I am proud of myself for standing

When everyone slept and everyone wept in silence 

I was right all along 

And fuck it, I’ll say it 

I told you so

I wrote this poem to reflect what I am feeling about the current state of our Stockton community. I can’t tell you the full story or I will retraumatize myself but this is the last poem I am going to write about the chaos that is happening right now. Today, I am choosing to let go. I did all that I could at the time, and now it’s time for others to be responsible for punishing such awful crimes.

With love to myself and all of the women and children that have been affected by that monster.

Angelica Flores

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