My astrology obsessed friends keep telling me that Mercury Retrograde is causing a lot of chaos so if I am experiencing any heavy emotions, I can blame it on the retrograde. Even my therapist told me not to make any impulsive decisions until after June 22nd. Did I listen? Of course not!
Surprisingly, this month, a lot of people from my past have been contacting me. Past loves ( I thought one of them was the love of my life), ex-friends I had lost touch with for good reasons…and my gut instinct set an alarm. My body went on fight mode and what did I do? I consciously entertained them. Why? That is exactly what I keep asking myself.
I entertained for two days. It doesn’t seem like much, but my body panicked and I had an anxiety attack on the second day. These people have never been good for me but there I was, having conversations that were led by anger. What was shocking to me was that I thought I had moved past the hurt that came from my interactions with these people.
After days of reflection, I realized that my behaviors had everything to do with me and I had another realization. I was taught to suppress my emotions at a young age. When I think I have moved past something, what I am actually doing is burying it deep within me and I NEVER go back to it.
I was shocked. There is still so much that I need to address that I haven’t had the chance to until now. Besides those two days of confusion, I can honestly say that this is the first time that I am not living in chaos.
I recently made important decisions that freed me from toxicity, and all is quiet for the first time in my entire life.
Of course, this would be the perfect time to realize that I suppress my emotions because now I am in the perfect place to work on it.
Ugggggghhh….the level of work that this is going to take!! Lol Yes. This is me complaining lol
Complaining aside, I would like to say that overall, I am grateful for noticing that I suppress my emotions because acknowledging this and admitting this is another step towards healing, something that I have been intentional about for the past two years.
Thank you for following my blog. I sincerely appreciate every single one of you!