Late Night Thoughts

We all deserve to be our authentic self. It’s hard for me to know what that looks like though. Being raised as a caretaker forced me to put the “self” that is supposed to exist in my body last. It was my least priority and my sense of “self” abandoned me. It left me alone and I did not know it was missing until recently, when I stepped away to live in silence. I need to search for my true self. It’s a weird thing to say but that happens to many people more often than not. But what do I do? How do I learn more about myself? When will I wake up knowing who I am or what I want?

Question to my readers: Have you ever felt like this?

Angelica Flores

2 responses to “Late Night Thoughts”

  1. When I was divorced from my first husband, I remember pushing a shopping cart through a grocery store to all the usual aisles and realizing most of the items had been ones he requested and I didn’t like (cheeze-its, Mountain Dew…). I became extremely conscious that I was finding myself anew. The next five years were an exciting time of discovery for me, which I enjoyed. I hope as your grief fades a little, you might do the same. Do you like to wake up early? Stay up late? Go out? Stay in? Watch movie marathons or not spend time watching videos? These are small things, but they are base from which we can answer the deeper questions. Hugs, R

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Rebecca,
      I always appreciate your comments and feedback. Thank you for sharing. I don’t know what it’s like to be divorced but I am so glad that you were able to realize what parts of your habits and interests were yours and which were your husbands. I think that going through that process, despite how painful it is, is rewarding and eye opening. Either way, caretaking is caretaking and putting others first is something that is often taught and it’s really hard to step away from that role but sometimes life and circumstances force you out of those situations and they become blessings in disguise. For me, it was a sink or swim situation and I swam away as fast as I could. I am confused but you’re right, it is also exciting. I think being in the thick of it makes it hard to see this self discovery in a positive light because I am still grieving a huge loss. Thank you for your words and your light and I am so happy that you are able to identify parts of your divorce that were beneficial for you. Small steps is the way. I hope you are much happier.



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